Yes, I've changed the name of my blog! I know that "A Curio's Leaves" sounds strange, but there's a little bit of a story behind it. But first, take a look out my window..
I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning and was unable to go back to sleep. Feeling stifled both physically and mentally (do you ever lie in bed and go over and over the same thing in your mind at strange hours of the morning until it drives you almost-mad?), I finally opened my bedroom window for a little fresh air. Well, this is what I saw, and I sat and stared at it for a good ten minutes before I was able to move. I think I had to just sit there and
marvel at God for a long while before I was even able to thank him. I have looked out of this window many times before, but it felt very different today. I think in the past I had tended to look right down at the trees in the yard, without daring to stare directly at the masses of trees collecting at the horizon. But this morning, my mind needed such a respite that my eyes shot past the foreground to the most liberating view they could find.
Now, after sitting and staring, I was suddenly caught by an onslaught of thoughts even more overwhelming then my early-morning-anxious-musings that had driven me to the window in the first place. Sometimes it's hard to look at something so absolutely, painfully, humbling-ly beautiful without going somewhere very deep in the mind- or soul- or what have you. I thought (for probably the millionth time in my life, but perhaps most profoundly at this moment) how very small my life is, yet how delicately it is held. So much of the effort I put into this little life- appearance, ambition, accumulation of credentials- seems so unbearably trite at 5 in the morning. Though these efforts had always seemed this way to me somewhere in my subconscious, it was only by 6 on this particular morning, at this particular moment, that I was able to ascribe to them the adjective "trite," and to see them in the pure, unforgiving light of dawn.
I still love and enjoy things that are cute and even kitschy, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that! But, there is enormous value in exploring the magnanimous difference between the gravity of the cute, kitschy nostalgia shop down the road and the exquisite leaf on the tree on the horizon that lies miles and miles past my window at 6 in the morning..
Anyway, all of this drove me to my little box of sentiment (I save almost every letter I am given) in search of some words of wisdom that could spark a new name for this wonderful outlet otherwise known as a blog. Thinking that enlightenment would come from one of the letters tucked inside, it came instead from the box itself.. which reminded me of an old music box.. which I confused with the word "curio.." which I then had to look up in the dictionary.. which told me that a curio is "something considered novel, rare, or bizarre," or the actual cabinet used for holding such "novel, rare, or bizarre" items.. which reminded me of my small life.. which depressed me a little.. which made me think that I would like for my life to be like a curio, but filled perhaps with something like leaves, rather than small, glass ornaments.. (leaves, because they are dynamic, changing, natural, organic, and for some reason, ever since I was little, I have been in love with how beautiful leaves are! at every season! I love the dried up leaves of winter almost as much as the vibrant leaves of fall). Whew.. so that's the explanation for this new name. I apologize for the long-winded-ness of this.. THANK YOU if you're still reading! I am so thankful for this enlightening and encouraging morning- God is so good for sending me this beautiful, window-sized postcard of his creation. I hope it was at least interesting, if not inspiring, for you to read :)
Love,
Emeline
